I recently read the book Do the Work. Which got me thinking about how big a role fear and resistance play in our lives. Fear is one of the most difficult things in life that many of us have to deal with. For some of us, it gets in the way of us accomplishing goals we have set for ourselves.
We decide not to do certain things because we’re afraid. Afraid that we won’t be able to do it. Afraid that we’ll fail. If we continued to allow our fears to dictate everything, we would never get anything done.
So what can we do about the fear?
There are no shortcuts around fear. It’s always going to be there, at least at first. but there are ways to manage it so that you can accomplish your dreams.
The most important thing to understand about fear is that it happens to everyone. Even the most talented and experienced people have to deal with their fears. The thing you must do is recognize that the fear is there and then accept the fear. Once you’ve shaken hands with it. Do the thing that scares you anyway.
Work Even When You’re Not Good
You’re scared of being bad? So what? How can anyone get better if they never even try? keep taking consistent action to work toward your goals and get things done no matter what. The more you continue to work, the more it will become a natural habit that you won’t fear as much anymore.
Surround yourself with inspiration and positive images. You won’t be able to clear yourself of fear if you allow yourself to sit in negativity forever. Fill your life with lots of sources of positivity. Fill it with things that will uplift you when you feel the fear getting the best of you. Invite people into your life who will motivate you and give you words of encouragement.
I always longed for a group of friends. The type of friends that you see in TV shows. The friends who are there for you no matter what. Friends that invite you every place.
Because I wanted these friendships so badly, I would often force myself into friendships with people who I never really had a lot in common with. Having any friends was better than having no friends at all, right? I was afraid of feeling loneliness, and I would do anything I could to run away from it.
Then I realized that I shouldn’t be trying to escape loneliness. I should be embracing time by myself as and understanding that it’s just as important as spending time with others. Because if you want to form quality friendships, you need to like the person you are and have a deep understanding of yourself.
I learned to do things alone that I normally only do with other people. And it turns out that I enjoyed it very much! Doing things you enjoy even when there is no one else to enjoy the activity with is a great way to feel good about being alone. Go to the movies even if no one wants to see the film with you. Make an amazing dinner for yourself. Just because you’re not having dinner with a group doesn’t mean you have to eat a TV dinner.
Being by yourself isn’t a bad thing. It helps you create a solid foundation for the kind of friendships you will want in the future.
After a lot of thinking, I’ve decided to give up coffee. It was something that I thought would be incredibly difficult. I’ve been drinking coffee every morning since college. I depend on it. It’s my life force. But it turns out, giving it up hasn’t been too bad.
I realized that the reason I’ve been able to give it up so easily is because I’ve replaced my coffee drinking habit with a tea drinking habit instead. Exploring tea has been a lot of fun. There are so many different blends that I have discovered and now love. Some of them I prefer even to coffee!
By replacing coffee with tea, I haven’t even had any urged to go back to coffee. I was fully expecting to have some form of addiction withdrawal symptoms, but that didn’t happen!
In fact, I love tea so much now that I’ve purchased by a stove kettle and an electrical kettle. One for my bedroom and one for the kitchen. I’ve found it a lot easier to enjoy tea from the comfort of my own bedroom as opposed to coffee because I don’t have to add cream to tea. I always take my coffee with cream. I just don’t like it black.
So what have I learned from this? I suppose the biggest lesson is the importance of having a replacement habit. If you want to stop doing something, it’s going to be a whole lot easier to quit if you’re doing something else instead. Of course, that replacement habit should be something that you feel is more beneficial. Not simply something that’s just as bad as the habit you’re replacing.
I’ve also learned a lot about just how much tea is available out in the world. Trying out new things is a lot of fun. With coffee, I was a lot more set in my ways with the stuff that I drink. I have discovered some brand preferences. So far my favorite is Stash Tea.
Will I start drinking coffee again? Maybe. But right now, I’m not in a rush.
I used to be the type of person who always had to be busy. I was always making plans and running to and from social events. If I wasn’t out doing something, then I was on the internet connect with people via social media.
Over the past year or so I’ve learned the importance of enjoying quiet time. A time where I can meditate, relax, read a bit, and even write. I like having a time when it’s peaceful so that I can process thoughts and ideas, or reflect on the day that has gone by.
Of course socializing and having great people in your life is important too, but I’ve learned to enjoy my time alone. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, but I suppose I also felt the need to fill my life with lots of activity because that’s what I thought was “normal”.
Here are some ways I think anyone can add a bit of quiet to their life.
If you lead a very busy life, wake up earlier and allow yourself to have quiet time in the morning.
Anytime you feel the need to go on social media, think about whether or not it’s really necessary at that moment or if you’re just trying to fill time.
Don’t always use music when you’re out traveling or walking. Allow yourself to think and experience the world instead of tuning it out.
Don’t rush through all of the things you do. Slow down and really experience the task at hand. Even if it’s something mundane!
Set aside a daily time at night for reflecting about the day you just had. This is a great way to appreciate little moments in life. You can even journal about your experiences, or the things that you’re grateful for.
I’ve been an avid reader ever since I was a little girl. In the morning I love to curl up with a book before starting my day. At night, I like to curl up with one to end it. A book is my way to escape. It’s a private world that comes alive in my head. It’s a way to explore without anything getting in the way like money or life commitments. There’s nothing in the world like it.
I love the commentary about life that different books provide. The different viewpoints depending on the character you’re spending time with. I love that I can be put into the mind of someone else who isn’t me. I love the thrill of experiencing all kinds of emotions from fear, to happiness, to love. With a book I’m put into situations that never occur in my own life. Maybe they’re experiences I hope to have myself one day. Or maybe they’re the kind of situations I never want to face.
Let’s not forget the knowledge gained from books. I’ve learned so much from reading. Non-fiction can open you up to numerous subjects. Anything you want to learn can be found in a book. My vocabulary has certainly increased because of reading, and my writing skills, while not perfect, have improved as well.
Reading has trained me to be able to sit still for more than a couple of minutes. It allows me to take a break from all of the screens or technology that fill up such a large portion of my life. It’s an escape.
No matter how happy you are, you’re going to run into a bad day eventually. When I feel like this, I like to take a nice deep breath, and look at something pleasant to improve my mood. Here are some happy sites that are bound to bring cheer to a gloomy day. They’re fun even if you feel perfectly pleasant too!
Gives Me Hope
A simple and happy site where people submit positive, uplifting stories.
Wouldn’t it be great if we all lived the kind of life where we only needed to do the things that we want to do? But that simply isn’t the case for most people. There are too many aspects of life where we have to accomplish things even if they aren’t very enjoyable.
Procrastination is a problem we all face regularly. You won’t find many people who are able to get everything done right away. There are ways to get things done even when you’d rather do anything else in the world. Here’s what I do, and what you can apply to yourself as well.
Think about why you have to do the task. Before beginning anything, or if you find yourself in a state of avoidance, really think deeply about why you have to accomplish this thing you need to do. Think about how it will help your life, or who it will help. Think about what the results will be like when the task is over. This will help you jump start the motivation you need once you have a full understanding of why the task is important.
Let go of perfection. Sometimes we avoid doing things because we believe that all results must be perfect. This will get in the way of wanting to start because you think you’ll have to finish the entire task all the way and it must be the most brilliant thing you have ever done. Let go of this. Know that starting is better than not starting at all and what you do does not have to be the best work that has ever been created by anyone on the planet.
Start a little at a time. A big task can be daunting and we may not want to begin because we don’t want to sit down for hours working on one thing. If that’s the case, allow yourself to work a little bit and then stop. The hardest part of any task is starting. Sit down with the intention of doing something, but know that you can always stop and do something else. Go back and do a bit more later and all the little bits will add up. Sometimes you’ll even realize that just by starting, you’ll want to stay a bit longer and continue.